FAQ's about Born to Love - Instinct and Natural Mothering and child care
#Everybody gives me different advice. How do I know who to believe?
#How can I be a good mother and still retain my independence?
#How do I know if my milk is any good?
#I thought nursing a baby was going to be a lot easier.
#I'm so tired that mothering is no fun. Is this normal?
#Lots of people, even my doctor, think I should have my husband give my baby a bottle at least once a day because it's a bonding experience.
#My baby fusses or outright cries from about 5pm 'til bedtime.  Is there something I can do about this?

I thought nursing a baby was going to be a lot easier. My baby is two weeks
old and so far it's mostly tears, hers and mine. What's wrong?
Self reliance is a high value among Americans. Moms think they should be
able to just wing it but this rarely works, particularly when baby is
crying, nipples are hurting and doctor is suggesting that formula is not a
bad idea. Be assured that 1) The sacrifices and discomforts of today are
worth it in the long run and 2) There aren't any breastfeeding problems
that can't be solved with good help. Get on the phone and talk to La Leche
League or a good lactation consultant. (Or send me an email at the address
below) You'll always be glad you persevered.        

Lots of people, even my doctor, think I should have my husband give my baby
a bottle at least once a day because it's a bonding experience.
Bonding is important but it's hardly a new invention. It's been around from
the start of the human race and so has the family. Bottles are the new
invention and they are mere mechanical objects upon which bonding is in no
way dependent (or none of us would be here today). Bonding and attachment
are powerful innate behavior. Give them half a chance and they will become
strong. Holding and eye contact reinforce bonding.        

I'm so tired that mothering is no fun. Is this normal?
No it isn't. The good news is that you can change that starting today. Eat
meat, lots of it. No soft drinks, tea or coffee. Cut way back on all
carbohydrates. Figure out where the vegetable fats, shortenings and oils are
creeping in and banish them (but keep olive oil). Eat butter and don't
worry about the natural fat in meat and eggs. Buy some good 'stress B'
vitamins. Drink milk. Doesn't sound much like the Food Pyramid? But what
have you got to lose at this point? (See Real Food for more info on
maintaining a good diet)You'll feel a whole lot better within a day.
Thousands of animal studies and generations of farmers attest to the fact
that poorly nourished females cannot perform well as mothers. It is a
tribute to the triumph of the human spirit that many human mothers do so
well while malnourished. People think we are exempt from the laws that
govern animal behavior but we're not.        

How do I know if my milk is any good?
This is a valid question. It has been a concern since antiquity. Twentieth
Century medical opinion held that all women's milk was the same but now it
is recognized that the quality of a mother's milk is influenced by her diet
and that the quality of your baby is dependent on your milk. The babies of
some vegetarian mothers have been diagnosed with 'failure to thrive
syndrome'. Except in these extreme cases, your milk will always be superior
to formula; upon this you may depend. However following the simple steps as
in above FAQ can assure a higher quality milk. If baby throws up don't
think your milk is bad. It's for some reason besides milk quality, usually
an air bubble or holding him too curled up.        

My baby fusses or outright cries from about 5pm 'til bedtime. It's spoiling
our evenings. Is there something I can do about this?
Babies and mothers get strung out by late afternoon. Lie down with baby in
the middle of the afternoon for at least an hour and nurse while the two of
you rest . This may seem simplistic but it's a tried and true method. Your
husband and/or older kids will be so relieved to be living with a happy
baby that they won't mind about the cold stove. Maybe they will cook. Maybe
you'll have something in the oven.        

Everybody gives me different advice. How do I know who to believe?
If you feel uncomfortable with the advice or if it is making your baby
unhappy, then it's poor advice. You know yourself and your baby better than
anyone else, even if this is your first baby.  Your maternal instinct sends
up a signal particularly against any advice that involves separation or
results in crying. Listen to your heart.        

How can I be a good mother and still retain my independence?
This is the heaviest question that all new mothers are now asking. Babies
wish mothers would forget that word "independence". It implies holding
yourself apart. To experience the ecstatic part of motherhood you have to
enter unreservedly into the mother/baby relationship. You get to do the
drudgery in either case. So resist all the trendy advice and surrender to
your baby. You'll be SO much happier. The end result of allowing your child
to depend on you will be a child who is both confident and independent. You
and your baby are forever; your stuffy critics can go somewhere and suck
their thumbs.        

More questions?  Post to our discussion group!

Born to Love, although published in 1976, remains current because instinct
does not change.  You'll find the answers to all these FAQ's and many more.

Some of the subject matter, for example the discussion
of abortion, may strike the contemporary reader as dated, and this is
reflected in the reduced selling price of only $8.95. ordering